Listening with cultural intelligence: the power skill we need in divided times

As societies become more divided and polarised, we need people who can disagree without dismissing, challenge without alienating and build relationships across difference. Whether we talking about global leadership, intercultural competence or inclusion, Cultural Intelligence (CQ) is the capability that sits at the heart of all of it.

And one of the most overlooked ways that cultural intelligence transforms us is by making us better listeners.

As the mother of triplet boys, I noticed that at primary school, my sons regularly brought home work on reading, writing and presenting. There were no homework tasks about listening. Listening only seemed important if learning another language.

That observation raises an important question. If listening is one of the most important skills for leadership, teamwork and inclusion, why do we spend so little time intentionally developing it?

We often assume listening simply happens.

It doesn’t.

Listening is a learned behaviour. Culture shapes who we listen to, how we listen, what we listen for, how we interpret words and silence and even how quickly we expect people to respond. Like every aspect of Cultural Intelligence, listening can be intentionally developed.

The pioneering work on cultural intelligence was started by Professor Soon Ang, at Nanyang Technological University in Singapore, over two decades ago. She was driven to explore what the difference was between individuals and organisations who could relate and work well across differences and those that struggled. She found there were four capabilities that sit at the heart of working well across all cultural differences (be they about gender, race, nationality, profession, religion or politics).

I discovered that work in 2013 and am now one of 10 cultural intelligence master facilitators in the world. For my book, Cultural Intelligence in Practice, I interviewed experts around the world to share insights into how we develop cultural intelligence in ourselves and others.

Listening is key to my thinking on developing cultural intelligence, yet it is a word missing from the Cultural Intelligence assessment and development language.

Listening is not a passive skill. It is a cultural one; one that we can intentionally enhance through developing each of the cultural intelligence capabilities.

CQ Drive: choosing curiosity

Listening begins with motivation.

As interviewee Andrej Juriga said: “I listen carefully because they are telling me who they are, what matters to them... That helps me to build knowledge about a person so I can start planning for bridging the difference.”

That captures CQ Drive perfectly. We choose to listen because we genuinely want to understand another person’s reality.

In polarised societies, this can be transformative. We move from listening to win towards listening to learn.

CQ Knowledge: recognising that listening Is cultural

There is no universal way of listening.

Culture influences:

• who asks questions
• who is expected to answer
• what silence means
• how quickly people respond
• what people pay attention to.

A pause after a question might signal uncertainty, or careful respect.

Without cultural knowledge, we easily misinterpret what we hear, or indeed what we don’t hear.

CQ Strategy: asking questions that open minds

Listening and questioning are inseparable.

All questions are useful sometimes.

Repeatedly asking ‘why’ questions can be a good way of getting below the surface and understanding the root cause of a problem, particularly when that problem is mechanical or to do with systems, such as the systems in the body, for example. But it is not so great for understanding what is impacting our work relationships and group dynamics.

Repeated ‘why’ questions often make people feel that they are having to justify themselves. Once people begin defending their position, they are less likely to be open to exploring the situation and curiosity quickly disappears.

Instead start questions beginning with:

• What...
• When …
• How...
• Tell me about...
• Describe...

These questions invite exploration rather than defence.

A memorable framework for crafting better questions is: ART.

Aim – Why are you asking this question?

Relationship – How will your relationship influence how it is heard?

Timing – Is now the right moment?

These three simple considerations help to create conversations where people feel heard rather than judged.

CQ Action: listening that builds trust

Ultimately, Cultural Intelligence is demonstrated through behaviour.

CQ Action means adapting how we listen, when we listen and who we listen to.

It may mean becoming comfortable with silence.

It may mean asking one clear question instead of running two or three together.

It may mean resisting the temptation to solve someone else’s problem before fully understanding it.

Nancy Kline’s work on creating thinking environments offers a powerful reminder that rushing to provide solutions can unintentionally ‘infantilise’ others. Deep listening and thoughtful questioning, by contrast, empower people to think, contribute and take ownership.

Listening is not doing less.

It is enabling others to do more.

Listening may be the leadership skill of our time

Listening is never neutral. It is shaped by our cultures, experiences and assumptions.

The good news is that it is also a capability that we can develop.

In societies where disagreement increasingly becomes division, listening may be one of the most important capabilities that any leader, trainer or educator can develop.

As organisations grapple with inclusion, global collaboration and increasingly polarised conversations, we need the curiosity to understand, the knowledge to recognise difference, the strategy to ask better questions and the behavioural flexibility to adapt.

In other words, we need cultural intelligence.

If you want practical tools rather than theory, Cultural Intelligence in Practice offers dozens of immediately usable ideas for developing cultural intelligence in yourself and others. It was written particularly for trainers, facilitators, educators, OD & HR professionals.

Cultural Intelligence in Practice by Lucy Butters (Right Book Press, £18.99) is out now.